Traveling light

Posted on September 25th, 2012 by

The sun here is different. It rises and falls at new times and the heat burns in different ways. Spending time in the sun takes the energy away from me but I not like in Houston, and not like in St. Peter. The sun is affecting me in ways that I cannot write. I could say that scientifically, I’m on a different latitude and longitude so of course the weather will be different. My circadian rhythms are out of balance and my body needs time to adjust. But that just wouldn’t be quite right. My environment is giving me more. The sun is giving me Spain in a way that no Spaniard could. The sun is giving to me what it gives to every Spanish man and woman. Solidarity from our closest star. The sun is giving to the point that I feel like it’s taking familiarity from me but really I have just left it behind; my side of the sun. Take heed to the sun. When you decide to live in a different part of the world the sun is going to do something to you. You won’t be able to stop him so just try to play nice.
While sitting alone on a beach in Cadiz I was slipping in and out of consciousness when a ray of light from the water reflected into my eye. When this happened I had a thought that had enough gravity to pull me from my slumber and catch all of my attention. I am positive that what initiated the thought was waking up to foreign terrain. I had seen it the foreign terrain and recognized it as such, but it was foreign to me until I was hit with it all at once. We all have our moments when we wake up and sometimes we don’t know exactly where we are. In a while familiarity take us back to our happy place but for that small amount of time our location doesn’t make sense. When I woke up my perceptions continued to fool me. Waking up to something completely alien and feeling alien myself, and then the surprise of the light pulled those thoughts to the front of my mind. For a moment I didn’t recognize myself, where I was or what I was doing. I saw myself wearied and wrinkled, my parents long gone, me aged and wondering where I will stop to rest my head; if possibly for the last time. The thought that I was just one person of billions and billions before and trillions after. Wondering why this moment was so clear and so simple that it made every other moment that I had lived strange. Who was I to ask for more than the time that was given to me? The traveler’s home is where he rests his head for every home is a new place, for he is the citizen of the world. All of these things and more passed into my mind in an instant. And then immediately were forgotten. The epiphany lasts half a moment and it is never the sum of its parts. All that slipped me in that short amount time makes this writing especially difficult. I was left cold, scared, excited that the manifestation would come to me again. I wanted to hold on to it just a little bit longer. It was a heavy dose of wisdom that I’d been asking for my whole life. I have to courage to accept that I wasn’t ready for it. Or maybe I was. The thought changed my life, and I know I will be chasing for more. Such a curious thing it is to feel alive. Traveling has become undoubtedly strenuous but highly interesting. I wonder if I can stop.

 

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